Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
