Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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