Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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