Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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