I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
