I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
