You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
