I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
