He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
