remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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