At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
