I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
