frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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