How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
