I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
