He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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