Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
