Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
