i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
