Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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