I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I am morally bankrupt
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
