i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
