the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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