i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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