I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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