I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
