Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
