Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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