Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we made out on top of his cat.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
