hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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