I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
