Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
