Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
