Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
