I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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