I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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