So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm like, not good at living.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
