If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
