it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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