hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize