Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
