defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
