no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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