Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Drunk is not a location!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
