i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
