sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
