im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
