Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have feelings that need drinking.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
