I wish I only lived at night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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