ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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