You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it was like his penis was on wheels.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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