strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
