guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
