i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
