Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
