I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
