Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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