Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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