So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
