woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize