I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
