apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
