Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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