do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
