Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
there was a trapeze. enough said
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize