If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
