all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
