I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
