no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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