So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Enjoy the penises
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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