I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
