I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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