I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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