Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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