Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
