Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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