I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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